Days and days and days and days

It has been 509 days since I have posted. So much has happened, so much has changed but the one thing that remains the same is my love for my husband. 479 days seems like such a long time but in reality it’s only 1 year and 4 months but for Cyrus it has been 8677 days since the day his life was stolen from him. 23 years, 285 months, 1239 weeks….all of his entire adult life GONE!!!! Can you imagine all of your 20’s and 30’s just disappearing? All of the life experiences, lessons, moments, and memories…not there!!! How different would your life be? How different would you be as a person? I wrestle daily with how to reconcile my feelings about Cyrus’s life. On one hand I am so angry I could spit fire and the other I am so unbelievably sad. This beautiful person, beautiful soul has been locked away, caged like an animal for so long…little things that never use to affect me now make me stop and take a second glance. I have found myself appreciating simple things like how green the grass is or how beautiful the sky looks or just admiring the moon on a clear night. These are all things Cyrus can not even imagine….it literally breaks my heart! He was a child by all rights when he was arrested. He did not even have facial hair yet! There is a video of him in night court when he was being booked and he was by all means a child and looked like a child. The reality of that statement sucks all of the oxygen out of my lungs. I think about all of the things he missed out on….prom, graduation, college, his 21st birthday….hell his entire 20’s and 30’s and slowly but surely he is missing his 40’s and HE IS INNOCENT!!! He does NOT EVEN BELONG THERE but because his life was deemed worthless…he has been forced to live in a cell for over 23 years!!!!!! 23 damn years!!!! There is no justice in America when rich white kids kill 4 people and get probation, or are arrested with 100 pounds of marijuana and get probation, or rape an unconscious woman and serve 3 months in jail….where is the justice in that? WHERE??!!??

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