Reconciliation

Repairing your marriage when your partner is incarcerated is an extremely daunting task. It is most definitely not for the faint of heart. We have been struggling for well over 6 months trying to figure out what our next step is and how do we get to that next step. It has been a hard road but I think we are finally getting to the place where we can move forward. I love my husband. We have a phenomenal love. We are a phenomenally amazing couple. It has taken us being separated from each other physically in order for us (especially me) to truly embrace what an amazing blessing my husband is to me and to the world. I am a lucky woman and I do not say that lightly. Loving the “good” me is not hard…I am sure over the years there have been a few men who have loved the “good” me…that does not take much effort. But loving the real me…that is a totally different story. The real me is selfish and bratty and prideful and defensive. I am harsh with my words because I build walls to keep people out. My husband knows these things and loves me not in spite of them but because of them. He knows how fragile my ego is and he knows my insecurities and instead of feeding those insecurities and taking advantage of them, he offers me a place to be myself and all he asks in return is that I love him just as fiercely as he has loved me most of our lives. I can own up to my part in the demise of our marriage. I did not set him apart from everyone else although he has never treated me like everyone else I treated him just like he was a regular guy not the sweet wonderful man I married. The man that loves me no matter how hard I push him away. He has treasured my heart and my soul for years and I was so prideful and set in my ways that I could not see the wonderful treasure that he truly is. I could not let go and love him with all of my heart and soul and truly be the woman God intended me to be for my husband. We are working towards reconciliation. It is not an easy or overnight process but at the end of the day we both want to be married to one another and we both want a truly amazing marriage that defies all the odds that have been stacked against us since day one. I love my husband more than anything in this world and I will intentionally love him for the rest of my life. I will think before I speak. I will listen to understand not just to reply. I will let my defenses down and know that he is not critical of me that every thing he says and does comes from a place of love and not judgement, I will do the same for him because our marriage is the most important relationship we have in this world.

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