Patience

Patience….wow! I don’t really have any at all…I don’t like waiting for anything or anyone. I want results and I want them now. My marriage has been a test in patience for sure. I have to wait to talk to my husband. I have to wait to see my husband. I have to wait for my husband to come home…truly come home. Everything is a waiting game. Wait for letters, call, visits…..well now I am waiting for a decision. I don’t want to be the one who gave up….I don’t want to be the one who threw in the towel…when things got rough that I bailed…I didn’t stick it out. But I don’t want that to be the reason I stayed either. I love my husband…there is no doubt in my heart or mind that I love my husband. He is everything I have ever dreamed of in a man and I know I am lucky to have him in my life but at the same time…I want him to feel the same way about me. I want him to feel lucky that he has someone who wants to be by his side no matter what the struggle is…no matter how hard things get. I just don’t get this feeling from him. He has checked out of our marriage and my heart hurts. I know we need time apart…time to process our feelings about each other…but it is so hard when all I want to do is put my arms around him and smell that spot on his neck that makes me weak in my knees. So this is my test….be patient…give him space….and see what happens.

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